the end.

I am eccentric. as i age i not only realize this about myself but i also further embrace it. i think what made me love you was the way in which you were weird too, and how you loved my weird.

For the last few weeks - and really months - i have been all too focused upon the negative, the void that your absence created. and to be honest, it has been great. through embracing such pain and anguish i have been able to recognize just how passionately i loved you. the band-aid hurts the most when it is removed only because the bond to the skin was so fierce. I loved you so much that it was reflected in how much i hurt not having you.

But it is finally time to say goodbye. There is an old parable that speaks of two monks walking down the road. when they encounter a woman in a long lace dress standing at the corner they asked on what it was that she waited. The woman explained that she could not cross the street for fear that if she did, her dress would surely become quite heavily soiled. Upon hearing this, the first monk picked up the woman, carried her across the street and promptly set her down. The woman thanked the monk for the deed, and the two monks continued down the road in the direction that they had been traveling.

The monks walked together in silence, and as the hours turned made no mention of the woman. It was then that the second monk questioned the first one about his deed.

"Why did you pick up that woman back there and carry her across the street," questioned the second monk to the first. "It is not our job to do things like that and worry about such problems."

The first monk stopped, turned towards the second monk and warmly replied, "I set her down five hours ago. Why are you still carrying her?"

It is this way that I feel about you and us. I have continued to carry our love and what was into the present even though it no long has a home here. And that's ok. It's ok that things have ended between us, for it doesn't matter whether I mind or not, it doesn't change the reality that exists.

The once was a motivational speaker - or guru for a better definition - named J Krishnamourti. He traveled the world for years giving talks and lectures about happiness and the keys to life. One day, Krishnamourti posed the most basic of questions to his audience, some of which had been following the guru for 18-20 years.

"Do you want to know my secret," Krishnamourti demanded. "My secret is this: I do not mind what happens."

And that is perhaps the most important thing that I must remember now. I am not coming back to Chicago, nor are you coming to New York nor Paris. We can't work, at least not in this way. You're right.

But that doesn't change how much I love you nor how wonderful I think you are. I just need to remember the good. And there sure was a lot of it!

You're skirls have to be number one. I love them more than you will ever know. They are you and you I love. The couple at that Chinese restaurant that thought we were so cute. Te culo fntastico. The cute "K Names". Getting fresh at the wax museum. The smells of our alley way and bridge dates. Spending the days together in my apartment, especially when it was cold. McDonald's. Looking forward to being raped in the changing room. Sneaking kisses. Your giggle, your smile. Picnics at the park. Getting laughed at trying to get a first kiss. Too many to count. Too many to forget.

You were an awesome girlfriend, and made me feel really good about myself. I was really happy with you and having you in my life. And I felt like for the first time in my life I could truly be me and not worry at all what you thought because I KNEW you would love it, love me.

You were the biggest muse I have ever had, so inspiring to me to not only to explore life but to truly follow my heart in life. Bonita, I wish I were a better writer each and every time I write if only to be able to better convey how I love you and how you make me smile.

Il y avait des temps quand je voudrais parler en Francais parce que je ne sais pas quoi d'autre je peut te dire de mon amour. J t'aime mes Skirls, et il n'y a pas les mots dans tout les langues que peut t'explique sa en tout.

Yo te quiero mi amour. Yo ablas l'Espanol solamente para ti, para mi corizon te tengo.

I am never going to forget you, but I cannot keep carrying you into my present when you cannot actually be here. I'm sorry for all that I've done, all that we've done. I love you and think you're awesome. =)

So here's a little music that reminds me of you and of us, and I hope that it helps to put a smile on your face the way it always plasters one on mine.

I love you Bonita, now and forever.

you make me smile. I love you Bonita