sonnet

as soon as you texted me, i knew it was you

no one else reads your blog, save for the random russian of course

but the russian wouldnt be texting me

especially not from chicago


i have been on a bender ever since the last time we have talked

not too bad. just one that exists on off days

i dont tell you this now to instill a feeling of sadness, but rather to explain how i have put off my heart

it is easier to drink and be sad than it is to try and write you


I have lost all the will i had to write you

it is mostly because i do not trust my hand

i dont know whether it will be kind and endearing towards you or nasty and crude

for both are what my heart feel


a friend asked me how i feel about you

all i could do was explain my hate

for giving up before we began, for not fighting for us. for invalidating our relationship by so eagerly championing your current one. for introducing me to a love ive never known and one you forced me to have

or simply because i desperately need you