How do I find words to write to no one in particular?
How do I fool myself into thinking these thoughts fall on any ears or eyes at all, even if they're deaf and blind ones?
Why do I come back here, time and time again? Why do I hold so steadfast on to you?
The honest truth is the love that you instilled in me, the love that inspires my words even now. My eyes see beauty in the world and compare it to you; my ears hear music and lyrics sung over and again, each word uttered for you. How my world still revolves around you, even though you are no longer here.
It almost amused me seeing you the last time I did. You looked so beautiful, so happy and at peace. And it was my love that blinded me to accepting that you were all of these things without me. Some part of me hangs on to you for fear that you've ruined me to love, to life, that without you flavor loses its taste. I worry that you've been it, and that I walked away from it all.
And though even now, and likely always, your love - you - will inspire my words I hold my head high. There's a big part of me that has accepted that you've left my life forever. There's the knowing that my heart will love again. And I don't feel as though in doing so I disrespect the adoration I hold for you.
I betrayed your love once when I left; I can't kill something twice.
But I've started to feel happy again. I've started to believe that maybe my heart will hold someone close again. I'm beginning to see that the flower of my love may one day again bloom.
And through it all, at the end of my days I will always know: there will never be a flower more beautiful or passionate as the one that my heart blooms for you Bonita.
I love you with all my heart mi skirls.
