It's funny that you told me how you haven't been horny in a while because of work and fatigue. I mean, I don't think it's actually humorous, but just that it is something along the lines of what I was thinking about the other day.
I think part of what makes being in a relationship with you so difficult is that we don't have the physical contact that most couples do. We cannot share the non-verbal moments with each other, a soothing kiss after a long day, or even a touch just because. I have chemistry with you unlike that which I've never experienced before, a chemistry that only helps to inspire the intimacy that you and I share. I think there's no doubt to the fact that you and I bring the freak out of one another. Bonita, being with you turns me into a wild animal, and I wouldn't have it any other wy.
But therein lies the problem, or at least one of the big ones. I'm not close to you, nor are you close to me. When I'm sick you can't come over to take care of me. When you're down I can't hold you to pick you up. And though Our chemistry together is unchanged by the distance, it is still something that we cannot share together on a regular basis. That's what makes it really hard. We have to work harder to be together, and that's where I struggle.
I started this blog because I realized that I wasn't making enough effort to involve you in my life. Though reding my words and seeing my pictures isn't the same as being here with me, it at least gives you a little bit of an insight into the little bullshit that happens in my day. And I guess I just want more of that from you mi amore. It's not that you aren't doing enough, but just rather that my infatuation with you makes me want more from your life. I love when you send me pictures, of a bloody finger, naughty ones, of your scrubs, of Anthony playing on a train. They're all great because they're not only all part of you but they're a part of what the going ons are of your daily life. It's the stupid little stuff that I really thirst for more of.
I don't mean to be a broken record Bella. It's just tough sometimes for me because I feel like I am the one to wish goodnight to someone who many of the times isn't there (like you're already sleeping or your phone's dead or whatever) and that I'm the one who wishes you good morning first. They aren't bad things, but it's just tough because it makes me sometimes feel that if I weren't the one doing these things that they simply wouldn't happen. Today is a perfect example. After wishing each other good morning we both left it at that. When I texted you few hours later to see how work and your day was you asked me why I wasn't texting you. I don't like having the responsibility of having to drive the conversation. It would be one thing if you had asked me something and I didn't respond. But beta, I just really didn't have anything to say this morning. It was one of those groggy lazy hazy Sundays. I just don't want you to think that because I'm not texting as I normally would that something's up. Take the initiative! Since you wanted to talk to me and tell me things you should have! Don't wait for an invitation mi amore. I ALWAYS want to hear what it is that you have to tell me. =)
The bottom line is this mi skirls: I am here, and you are there. It sucks, and if there's blame to be had it clearly falls on my shoulders. When you became mi novia it was under these circumstances. We just have to work hard to do the little things to keep close in each other's lives. I hope that this blog is helping you get a taste of mine. And if there's other ways in which I can be more accessible to you I hope you tell me. I just want you to share more with me. Maybe not via phone call or skype. But send me pictures, or songs, or videos, or whatever. I love you bonita and I simply can't get enough of you. It's what drives me to want more. I know that you're life has a lot more structure and responsibilities than mine currently does, and so I understand that you can't as easily dedicate the time and energy to me as I can to you. But we both have to try our bests. I made you the promise that each day I would put something on here, and I intend to keep that promise, no matter how tired or late or whatever might be the case. I just ask you the same. Don't blog, but just random stuff that pops into your head. Text me, write it down, take a picture, whatever you can - if only because I need more bonita!
Last thing I wanted to share with you before I hit the hay is about buses. My street constantly (as you may well remember) has buses running down it at all times of the day or night. The main bus (or maybe the only one since it's the only one I've ever seen on my street) is the Q58. It's the bus that I took for the first time to meet you at the airport, and the bus we took back to my house. Every time I see it I think about riding it with you. Every time I lay in bed and hear a bus go by I think about how my heart was going to beat out of my chest as I waited for you to come around that corner at the airport. I love you in so many ways it's hard for me to accurately explain. You are my beautiful heart bonita. I love you.
I wait patiently to discover a new way to convey just how wonderful you are...
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