i hate that i'm writing right now.
i never hate that i'm writing. but when it comes to writing like this, i hate it.
why am i still here? why can't i just let you become a part of my forgotten past rather than my exalted one?
i almost broke my own rule tonight,. i sat and stared at your facebook profile - as it displayed on my cell phone - and dug like a fiend. i wanted to see and read everything i could about you. i knew that i needed more, my words no longer satiating.
but alas! all i was privy to was your new profile picture. no wall posts. no relationship status. no posts. and yet i stared. i stared at those skirls of yours. that smile that never fails to captivate me. i sat and stared and once again was bewitched.
why am i here?
it has come to a head. you have grown to such a proportion that you cannot possibly be as great as i know you to be. and yet i buy into you whole heartedly. i simply can't get you out of my head. and when you are i invite you in, with vigor.
i added new pictures to my "favourites" on my windows phone. doing so makes them appear randomly on the live tile for pictures. i like adding new ones - not new pictures that i've just taken, but new ones like the ones that i have just added. most of the pictures-- no... scratch that... all the pictures i add are ones that are my best. just seeing each one (and there are currently a dozen or two) cocks a smile onto my face for hours on end.
and this is why i write now.
just actually looking at this picture reminded me of happiness, unlike any other i've known.
maybe it's imagined. maybe it's real. maybe you aren't as great as i think you are...
maybe you are...
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