at a loss with words flowing

what am I to do? Where do I hide when I cannot escape my own head, my own thoughts? I don't know why, but I am infatuated with you, addicted to you, enthralled by you.

I've spent the last four hours since being done with work in intermittent and constant contact with my phone. Each time I pick it up I hope to see a winking smile indicating that there's a text message waiting for me. And each time I am greeted only with your smile, a blatant reminder of why my phone is in hand.

I want to talk to you all the time. I want to hear your voice if only to make my heart swell yet again. Sometimes I seek not an interesting or amusing or funny story from you; sometimes I just want you to tell me something that's on your mind if only to feel like I am still a part of your life...

I know you either can't give me this, or simply don't want to. I know it because I can sense and feel and hear the pain you have. You want to hate me as desperately as I wish to dislike you; we both wish not to need each other.

Yet I need you, perhaps more now than ever. Spending even just a few precious hours with you Wednesday served as a quite harsh reminder that with you the world is right again.

I'm scared to need you the way I do. I'm scared to feel a love like this, one that consumes me, that envelopes my heart and soul, that empassions every breath. I think of how foolish it is to pine after you, to still cherish you, to always fight for you. I think of what I think my life needs, where I believe it to be going, and where I want it to be. And at the end of the day, I simply want to be coming home to you.

I've never felt anything like this, a passion so overwhelming that it makes me throw caution to the wind. But I know it in my heart of hearts. I feel a love for you that makes the world dull and dim without you.

I'm scared Bonita. I'm scared to foolishly and blindly follow my heart. And yet my heart, my gut, and my soul tell me simply of the happiness and joy I have with you.

I love you Bonita. My heart reminds me of it with every beat it thumps. I will fight the good fight just for the chance of you, of us.

There is nary a person I have met with a kinder soul, a better smile, a more genuine being, or a greater heart. You inspire me, you motivate me, you excite me, and you drive me wild.

My only hope is to make you feel as wonderful and amazing as you truly are.