There are a few other things which I failed to mention a few posts ago, things about me that will most likely be (or never change) that need to be directly addressed. It's not that I am trying to scare you away (rather the opposite really) but it's just that you need to understand these things about me, or perhaps you need a reminder =)
Though I am in New York now and will be for likely the next 2-3 years it is also NOT where I want to be. I love the city and think it is an absolute world class one filled with wonderful an amazing things. It seems that everywhere I look and go I encounter some sort of mysterious or interesting or different or thought provoking or repulsive or beautiful or entertaining thing. This city is truly one of a kind. And yet I find myself hating it. The longer that I live hear the more I can feel it hardening me. Each day I seem to get a slight bit more snarky, a little more salty towards the world. I can't remember when the last time was that I bumped into someone and actually said "excuse me". In fact, I can't even remember the last time that I bumped into someone and didn't give them some sort of nasty glare. I am thankful to this city for the opportunity that it has afforded me with BA, but I do not like this city. It simply is not where I want to be.
No matter where I end up, I will always be a wanderer of sorts, an adventurer. I love exploring, and though I do alot of exploration both within myself and within my social existence, it often times takes me to Lord knows where.
I'm always going to be hairy and pudgy. No matter what it's how God made me, and short of drastic surgery it is how I will most likely remain.
I am white, and no matter how much I love you I will probably never turn Hispanic. That means that your mother, brother, and most of the rest of your family, along with a good amount of your friends, will never quite like me. Or at least never quite like me for you.
I'm petrified of children. Not scared of kids, but scared that I'm not any good with them. More and most importantly, I'm terrified that Anthony wouldn't like me.
I snore in my sleep.
I sweat alot, sometimes even when I'm not doing much at all.
I have a serious sweet tooth. Lately, I have been known to put awy a half gallon of ice cream in a few nights (often times even just in one night). Maybe that's part of the reason I'm a chubby bunny.
I like to do puzzles, even when they drive me nuts.
Im happy without money. It's not that I do not want money, nor that I do not like money. It's just that I've come to a point in my life where I really find that the simple and often cheap/free things are the ones that captivate me the most.
I am a diehard sports fan. And it makes no sense why sometimes I get so worked up over it. But I do.
I love to almost a fault. I give my heart away fully, and when I do it often makes me vulnerable to a degree that I never thought possible.
I love my back being scratched and rubbed, but am too timid to ever ask for it.
I sometimes eat in my sleep (please see chubby bunny reference above)
I worry when you aren't happy, even when it's none of my business.
There's alot more that I am surely forgetting to mention. But these are some of the big ones. The point is Bonita, there's a lot of things that you inevitably would have to deal with, from my current spacial separation from you to my smell. And I know that each one of these things are in their own way a hurdle that gives reason to steer clear of us. But what I also know in my heart of hearts is that with me, you have the chance at happiness. And when it comes down to it, it's all I have ever wanted for you: to be happy. I know everything that stands in our way.
All I can ask is for the chance to make you happy like I once did, and if given such a chance I promise you I will spend from then on out doing my absolute best to simply see and hear you smile.
I love you like crazy Bonita, and I cant wait to come back to Chicago.
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