How do I begin to tell you what you've become to me? You aren't Karen anymore, and really you weren't her for very long to begin with. You aren't even Bonita anymore, though my heart still thumps at the very sound.
Instead, you have become the embodiment of love.
How is that possible? How can you, or even now as the memory of you, become something so overwhelming? I don't know how I got here, but I am...
Wait. That's not entirely true. I think that from the moment I left Chicago I began to start to see and think and feel how special and import you were and are to me. The old adage really is true: you don't realize what you have until you've lost it.
Remember how I wanted to break things off when I moved here? I just assumed that it would be the end of us. But it wasn't. In many ways, it was the beginning; it made me realize all the things that you are and how much of my heart you really had claimed. You became my girlfriend only once I moved away from you.
I don't know if I just didn't understand how I felt for and about you or if I simply took it for granted. Either way I left, and I started the down the road of being without you, even if I didn't know it.
And now, you're so much more. I've pined for you for longer than I dated you. The inspiration my heart feels for you is astounding. It's like you're a drug; I get high on you, and my buzz is the very beating of my heart.
You've become so much more. You've become my love's idol, you've become a deity for my heart. I've shed all the negative things about you, all the bad, and see you now only through rose colored glasses.
Through it all I'm strangely ok with it. At least now I understand what you've become, no longer a woman, but rather the representation of my heart and my love. Rather than try to fight it, I embrace it.
So ef it! I'm not going to dwell on it as I used to. Rather instead, I am just going to smile and laugh with it. I'm lucky to be moved so powerfully by you.
The last thought I want to share is how deeply embedded into my heart and soul you are. Today when you told me the story of what happened with your ex boyfriend, the example of his jealousy, it freaked me out. Immediately my heart started thumping and a veil of rage was pulled over my eyes. I was so hopeful that you were simply a part of my past and a fixture on my emotional mantle place, nothing more. But even now I find myself sickened with anger over how you were treated. You may have no place left for me in your heart, but it is clear that you still captivate mine.
Until the next spew of thought, me amore forever more...
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